Susan Calman Guest Blog

The Glasgow Comedy Festival has very special memories for me. I did my first half hour show in 2006 with Scott Agnew at the 13th Note and then my first ever full length show at Universal in 2007.

Not only has it given me the opportunity to perform when other comedy festivals required things like 'jokes' but it lets me perform in front of my home audience.

Rather oddly, as a Scottish comic I am often criticised for being too Scottish. Really. In fact I was once told if I could just be less Scottish I might do better. Being mischievous whenever anyone says that to me I am tempted to perform drunk, wearing a kilt whilst playing the bagpipes just to ramp up the stereotypes. But the joy of the GICF is that it gives opportunities to all nationalities to perform in front of one of the most appreciative and comedy literate audiences in the world.

Of course it’s not easy making the Scots laugh. I am used to the stares of those who were expecting something else. People who have confused me for Rhona Cameron or who think that I will tell 'jokes'. In no particular order my top three audience incidents are:

1. The woman who berated me for an hour last year for pretending to be Glaswegian when I was obviously from Edinburgh. I’m not. I’m from Glasgow. I live with someone from the East (I know, I know) and so have a slightly odd accent. Angry Woman wouldn’t listen to me even when I listed my previous home addresses, school and named all the pubs along Dumbarton Road.
2. The woman who sat with her arms folded in the front row of my gig. She would unfold them if she liked a joke, then cross them again when unhappy. It was like having the comedy reviewer from the Scotsman in the front row.
3. The man who came to see me, didn’t laugh and then as he left announced loudly 'I knew she was crap, I was just checking'.

I am not in anyway annoyed at these events, they make me laugh. Because the relationship that I have with an audience is the most important part of any show I do. I like to talk to the audience and find out about them. Don’t worry about that though! Some people come to shows and think that comics want to make fun of them.  I don’t, I just like speaking to people and people like speaking to me. I have the kind of face that says 'tell me everything about you immediately!' I am the person that every drunk man will gravitate to at the end of the night because I remind them of their granddaughter or daughter. I always end up sitting next to the person on the bus that is desperate to tell their life story. And I always listen in to anyone’s telephone conversations if I can. Even through their living room windows. In fact my top three audience confessions are:

1. The man who admitted the woman he was with was his mistress.
2. The woman who admitted that she had always wanted to sleep with a woman and I was the woman she wanted to kick things off with.
3. The man who admitted he had robbed people of millions of pounds. To be fair he worked at RBS.

I am performing at the Citizens Theatre this year which is just about the most exciting thing in the world. It is a venue full of history and tradition and all I can think about is what I can do on the giant stage. Most comedy is performed in tiny rooms with tiny stages, but the Citz has a giant area for me to have fun with. So far I have choreographed a dance routine to the Casualty theme tune and a spectacular closing number involving my four cats in a performance entitled 'the Catrobats'. However, I may not have the insurance to go ahead with these.  Don’t be disappointed. There’s plenty other fun to be had.

In March and April there is so much comedy to see in Glasgow it is almost embarrassing. Go and see the big guns but also support local acts too. Especially the women. Who are on at the Citizens Theatre. On the 6th April.

Susan will be performing her solo show Susan Calman's Happy Place on Wednesday 6 April at the Citizens Theatre. Click here for more show information. 


Find out more about Susan at www.susancalman.com.

Watch Susan performing at the festival preview show in January on YouTube here.