Daniel Sloss Guest Blog

I love Glasgow. I love Glasgow in the way that most people not from Glasgow love Glasgow. I love it the way that the little nerdy kid loves his girlfriend despite the fact that he knows she is sleeping with absolutely everyone else, because it doesn't matter as long as he gets the occasional hand-job. It's a tough love, a love that I know that I give to the city, but that the city is never likely to return that love... Until the Glasgow Comedy Festival. It's at this time of year that Glasgow makes me feel like a pimp. Sure, I don't have a cane or a cool hat with feathers in it, but I still feel that cool (side note: I want a cane.).

 I love gigging in Glasgow because it's just mental. Most other cities tone down their mentalness when guests come to visit: like a mum who is frantically cleaning the house before the guests arrive. Glasgow takes a shit on the coffee table lets the guests look at it, and they don't have the courage to ask why. One time I was gigging in Glasgow and I got heckled by a man, I put him down, he heckled again, I put him down again. Victory to me... Or so I thought. He piped up again, and before I could put him down with my hilarious comeback ("So's your mum") a very drunk woman from a hen party leaned over and smacked him with her "L" plate (not a euphemism) and yelled "You leave that wee boy alone!". It was like my own herpes ridden bodyguard. It was lovely.

Thats why I always go back to Glasgow. That's why everyone goes back. It has the "treat 'em mean, keep em keen" and it works. I'm bloody keen. I'm a whore for Glasgow, I'm not the pimp. Glasgow is the pimp. And I will swallow every metaphorical load it gives me because I know it loves me deep down.

See Daniel Sloss performing his solo show My Generation at the Garage this Friday 1 April. Find out more about the show here.



Find out more about Daniel Sloss at www.danielsloss.co.uk. 

Photoblog: 28 March 2011

Catch up with what's being going on at the festival so far with our photoblog. You can see all of the festival's photos on our flickr page here.

  

Greg McHugh performing with Rufus Hound and Smack the Pony's Sally Phillips at Celebrity Autobiography.

Photo credit: Richard Freeman (www.akarichy.com)

Milton Jones at the Magners Festival Club at the Stand.

Photo credit: Richard Freeman (www.akarichy.com)

Richard Herring at the Magners Festival Club at the Stand.

Photo credit: Richard Freeman (www.akarichy.com)

Carla Rhodes with Cecil Sinclair at the Stockholm Syndrome.

Photo credit: Grant Thistle (grant-thistle.tumblr.com)

Phil Nichol at the Magners Festival Club at the Stand. 

Photo credit: Grant Thistle (grant-thistle.tumblr.com)

Iain Stirling Guest Blog

Ok Glasgow,

I'm doing your comedy festival and it should be a right laugh. It's at Blackfriars, which is lovely, and Davey Connor is also on who is incredibly funny (probably why Russell Kane got him to do some tour support).

We do have a history at the festival. Our last show See Stirling Kane Comedy ended with me, drunkenly, being removed from the stage in front of a world renowned director (whom requested he remain nameless). Hopefully this year the whole thing will entirely more professional. Scrap that, it definitely will!

The last two years I've spent in London doing stand up in all the major clubs, presenting on CBBC (I won't have the dog with me) and was even lucky enough to be nominated for 'Best Newcomer' at the Chortle comedy awards. However, it feels so amazing to be back performing in Glasgow, the city in which a witnessed a man be sick in his own wife's handbag - bliss.

So do come. Me and Davey will be splitting an hour and we are both funny (promise). 8.30pm, 25th March, Blackfriars. It'll be lovely to have you.

See Iain Stirling and Davey Connor inTake Off Your Wristband it's Not That Kind of Festival at Blackfriars Basement this Friday 25 March. Find out more about the show here.

Follow Iain and Davey on twitter @IainDoesJokes and @DaveyConnor.

Amateur Transplants Guest Blog

Dr Adam R Kay from the Amateur Transplants talks to us before their festival show on Thursday.

Every other comedian’s post on this blog starts, 'My first Glasgow Comedy Festival was in…' and then explores their humorous misconceptions about the city.  I’m at a slight loss as this is my first Glasgow Comedy Festival, and because I've watched Supergran episodes since the age of four I know loads about the place. So I’m going to talk about the sleeper train instead.

Last year – due to a logistical problem whereby my boyfriend lived in Glasgow and I lived in London – I took the Caledonian sleeper 22 times. If you've never taken the sleeper service before, it's a cross between a train and the worst hotel in the world. You share a berth with a stranger, who is always either a pervert or has issues with urinary continence (NB. if your berth-mate is neither of these things, then it's probably you).

You climb into your bunk and the motion of the train rocks you gently to sleep. After 5 minutes of sleep you are jolted awake. You are merely awoken and disorientated, but your berth-mate screams, and if he is type B you may feel a few drips. This process repeats itself for the next nine hours before your breakfast is delivered by history's angriest lady. You quite like the idea of a breakfast muffin until you read the words 'contains chemically recovered egg' on the packaging and then you feel confused and unwell. The first time you read the words 'chemically recovered egg' you will text all your friends.

And then suddenly you’re in Glasgow Central station; where I will arrive on the sleeper on Thursday 24th – to sing smutty songs at Oran Mor. And if I look tired, you know why.

See Dr Adam Kay and Dr Suman Biswas in Amateur Transplants in Theatre at Oran Mor this Thursday 24 March. Click here for more show information.


Find out more about the Amateur Transplants at www.livetransplants.com and follow them on twitter @amateuradam and @amateursuman.

Greg Davies Guest Blog

It took me a long time to not be frightened when coming to Glasgow.

Very early on in my stand up career I was the mc at a large gig and chatted to an Australia tourist in the crowd. I finished our exchange by welcoming the lady to 'England.' The resulting scene was like a much more violent and realistic Braveheart. As I was the MC I had to repeatedly come back on to stage and was hated a little bit more each time. The gig ended with a gentlemen at the back referring to me, entirely correctly on this occasion, as 'a six foot eight tower of pish.' 

Mercifully after this hiccup playing Glasgow has always been brilliant fun and I can't wait to perform at the festival. I promise to remember where I am.

Greg will be performing his solo show on Monday28 March at the Garage. Click here for more show information.

Watch Greg on BBC1's Live at the Apollo here:

Dan Clark Guest Blog

Coming to Glasgow to play the comedy festival is a bit like coming home for me.

I've spent a lot of time in Glasgow over the past three years. You see, I film my BBC3 sitcom How Not To Live Your Life there so I've lived in the city for a two-month period every year since 2008.

I love it there. The place and the people! There are great restaurants and great architecture. And I'm excited that the first show of my tour is there. But I have to admit, I didn't always have this attitude. Not that I ever had negative feelings towards the city, but in 2007 I was on my way up to do the comedy festival for the first time and I'm embarrassed to say that I was a bit nervous about what a Glaswegian audience would be like. Turns out I had a preconceived idea of what Glasgow would be like based on a misconceived reputation from about 20 years ago.

I thought that I'd be met with a 'Glasgow kiss' the minute someone heard my southern accent. And more specifically, I was worried the audience at my show would be aggressive and rowdy. I am ashamed of myself for thinking this, especially as it turns out Glasgow is one of the friendliest places I've ever been too in the UK.

Yes, it has it's fare share of nutters. When we filmed night-scenes for my sitcom in the Merchant City, we were constantly approached by shouty men in the street. In fact, one time a man in a wheelchair hurled abuse at us and not one member of the 25-strong crew, of which a lot were men, stood up to him. That's how frightening he was! But I love the colourful characters of Glasgow. It's what makes it interesting. That show I did in 2007 turned out to be one to the most fun stand-up gigs I've ever done. The crowd were rowdy but very friendly. It was in the Brel bar on Ashton Lane. The back room is like a greenhouse and when it rained during the show it added a strange ambiance. I loved that show. So I'm very excited to play Glasgow again.


Dan will be performing his solo show on Friday 25 March at the Garage. Click here for more show information. 


Find out more about Dan at www.danclarkcomedy.co.uk. 


Watch a clip of Dan in How Not To Live Your Life:

Susan Calman Guest Blog

The Glasgow Comedy Festival has very special memories for me. I did my first half hour show in 2006 with Scott Agnew at the 13th Note and then my first ever full length show at Universal in 2007.

Not only has it given me the opportunity to perform when other comedy festivals required things like 'jokes' but it lets me perform in front of my home audience.

Rather oddly, as a Scottish comic I am often criticised for being too Scottish. Really. In fact I was once told if I could just be less Scottish I might do better. Being mischievous whenever anyone says that to me I am tempted to perform drunk, wearing a kilt whilst playing the bagpipes just to ramp up the stereotypes. But the joy of the GICF is that it gives opportunities to all nationalities to perform in front of one of the most appreciative and comedy literate audiences in the world.

Of course it’s not easy making the Scots laugh. I am used to the stares of those who were expecting something else. People who have confused me for Rhona Cameron or who think that I will tell 'jokes'. In no particular order my top three audience incidents are:

1. The woman who berated me for an hour last year for pretending to be Glaswegian when I was obviously from Edinburgh. I’m not. I’m from Glasgow. I live with someone from the East (I know, I know) and so have a slightly odd accent. Angry Woman wouldn’t listen to me even when I listed my previous home addresses, school and named all the pubs along Dumbarton Road.
2. The woman who sat with her arms folded in the front row of my gig. She would unfold them if she liked a joke, then cross them again when unhappy. It was like having the comedy reviewer from the Scotsman in the front row.
3. The man who came to see me, didn’t laugh and then as he left announced loudly 'I knew she was crap, I was just checking'.

I am not in anyway annoyed at these events, they make me laugh. Because the relationship that I have with an audience is the most important part of any show I do. I like to talk to the audience and find out about them. Don’t worry about that though! Some people come to shows and think that comics want to make fun of them.  I don’t, I just like speaking to people and people like speaking to me. I have the kind of face that says 'tell me everything about you immediately!' I am the person that every drunk man will gravitate to at the end of the night because I remind them of their granddaughter or daughter. I always end up sitting next to the person on the bus that is desperate to tell their life story. And I always listen in to anyone’s telephone conversations if I can. Even through their living room windows. In fact my top three audience confessions are:

1. The man who admitted the woman he was with was his mistress.
2. The woman who admitted that she had always wanted to sleep with a woman and I was the woman she wanted to kick things off with.
3. The man who admitted he had robbed people of millions of pounds. To be fair he worked at RBS.

I am performing at the Citizens Theatre this year which is just about the most exciting thing in the world. It is a venue full of history and tradition and all I can think about is what I can do on the giant stage. Most comedy is performed in tiny rooms with tiny stages, but the Citz has a giant area for me to have fun with. So far I have choreographed a dance routine to the Casualty theme tune and a spectacular closing number involving my four cats in a performance entitled 'the Catrobats'. However, I may not have the insurance to go ahead with these.  Don’t be disappointed. There’s plenty other fun to be had.

In March and April there is so much comedy to see in Glasgow it is almost embarrassing. Go and see the big guns but also support local acts too. Especially the women. Who are on at the Citizens Theatre. On the 6th April.

Susan will be performing her solo show Susan Calman's Happy Place on Wednesday 6 April at the Citizens Theatre. Click here for more show information. 


Find out more about Susan at www.susancalman.com.

Watch Susan performing at the festival preview show in January on YouTube here.

Lee Camp Guest Blog

WARNING: This blog post contains language which some may find offensive.

American stand-up and contributor to The Onion and The Huffington Post speaks to the festival ahead of his show on Sunday 27 March:

I’m thrilled to be playing the Glasgow Comedy Festival for many reasons, not the least of which is that audiences in Europe, if I may broadly and spectacularly generalize, seem to still remember how to pay attention and focus on a show. Sounds novel, doesn’t it? In my experience Americans are far more likely to get out their mobile phones during the show and text someone who is apparently FAR more important than the performer they’ve paid money to watch – probably someone like the Pope or Lady Gaga. We Americans think we’re so f**king important that every last school teacher or truck driver or university student has to update his or her Facebook every twelve minutes because the lives of thousands depend on it.

In the average American show at any given time at least two people have the warm glow of a mobile illuminating their crotch or their tits. I’ve been in many a show where someone (often in the front row) actually ANSWERS their f**king mobile during the show. They actually talk on the f**king phone! Unless your child has locked himself in a bank vault with a rattle snake and you’re the only one with the combination, there’s no reason to talk on your phone during a comedy show – and EVEN THEN, you should leave the showroom before telling your babysitter the code to the snake vault.

I’m not saying only Americans are a**holes. There are plenty everywhere around the world. After all, former President Bush has friends in Europe, and they MUST be c**ts. In fact, you reading this right now, you may be an a**hole for all I know. You may come from a long, proud line of a**holes. All I’m saying is that – if I had to blatantly generalize – Americans do not appreciate and focus on a performance, comedy or otherwise, as well as other parts of the world do… I take that back. Out of morbid curiosity I recently went to watch a competitive eating competition, and the audience seemed to give THAT a great deal of reverence.

In case you’re curious – you have not truly lived until you’ve seen a 200kg man with enormous breasts shoving hotdogs down his face hole at a tremendous speed. And yet people have the nerve to say gay marriage is unnatural and not what God intended?? If God exists, there is nothing he intends LESS than for immense human beings who aren’t hungry AT ALL to shove cow parts down their crocodile gullets with people cheering them on!

Anyway, come to my show on Sunday 27 March and we’ll figure this whole world out together.

Lee Camp will be performing his solo show Taking the Piss Out Of America on Sunday 27 March at Blackfriars Basement. Click here for more show information.

Find out more about Lee at leecamp.net.

Carla Rhodes Guest Blog

The Continuing Story of Carla Rhodes Comes to Glasgow

by Cecil Sinclaire

Greetings and salutations fine Glaswegians! I'm Cecil Sinclaire, vaudeville legend! I perform with a New York City harlot, pardon me, starlet named Carla Rhodes. Our agent Tappy Fleaberg (the world's only tap dancing circus flea) chomped on his cigar and booked us at the glorious Glasgow Comedy Festival. I'll be making my big comeback and tossing saltwater taffies to the adoring masses!

I've decided to question Miss Rhodes about our spectacular show. Tell us a bit about the show and as quickly as possible!

Carla: The Continuing Story Of Carla Rhodes is a mash-up of rock'n'roll ventriloquism, comedy and original music - tied together by the thread of a young gal's dream of hitting the big time in New York City! I'm usually backed by my real live band The Extravaganzas, but in Glasgow I'll be backed by the Paranormals (my invisible ghost band)!

Cecil: The show is filled with wild jungle musics, which I don't approve of, but I believe it promises to be a rollicking good time! I'm the star and the whole show rests on my laurels, but what other inferior creatures are in the show?

Carla: Legendary rockers Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. A pigeon named Herschel Ragbottoms, who lives under the newspapers in the East Village. Under Bed Alligator pops up when I least expect it, manipulating me with his fear mongering tactics! Last but not least, you (Cecil) play a mysterious vaudeville legend who's been locked away in a trunk for over 80 years! Exactly like your real life persona!

Cecil: If only you could be locked away for 80 years! Ladies and Gents and folks in-between, do come and see us at the vaudeville palace known as Capitol on 19 March. Delight and revel in astonishment at The Continuing Story Of Carla Rhodes!

Carla and Cecil will be performing The Continuing Story of Carla Rhodes at Capitol on Saturday 19 March at 8.30pm. Click here for more show information.

Find out more about Carla at www.carlarhodes.net

Photo credit: Hanna Toresson