Susie McCabe Answers Our 'Firsts and Lasts' Questions

Susie McCabe Answers Our 'First and Last' Questions

Susie McCabe is a fast rising star on the national comedy circuit. She may be small and look like Jockey Wilson’s stunt double, but she is hard to ignore as this is one little lady with a big mouth. See her show Susie McCabe: Tourist Misinformation at the Stand Comedy Club, Glasgow on April 2 at 7:30pm, but before that here's how Susie responded to our 'first and Last' questions:

First record you bought? 

The Cranberries Linger

Last film you watched? 

I can’t remember the name it was awful but Jodie foster was in it

(These first two answers make me such a cliché)

First thing you do when you wake up in the morning? 

Have a drink of water

Last lie you told? 

This is not a face that can tell lies

First Crush?  

Jodie Foster and a teacher it was a confusing time

(This is not helping with the Cliché problem)

Last meal you cooked yourself? 

Porridge this morning

First great piece of advice you were given? 

Everyday is a school day

Last book you read? 

Alex Ferguson's biog (Again its that Cliché popping up)

First thing you would do if you knew the world was going to end? 

Have a nice dram and a ciggie.

Last thing you do before doing a show? 

Be on my own and try pace up and down

First thing you do after a show?  

Have a drink

Last time you were star struck? 

Never because I have yet to meet Jodie Foster

First thing you’d do if you ran the country? 

Scrap that awful Bedroom Tax and introduce 3 day weekends (Populist I know but Mon-Fri is just  to long a working week)

Last meal on earth – what would it be? 

Chicken , chips and gravy

First song you’d sing at Karaoke? 

Sex on Fire

Last funny thing you saw online? 

A PUPPY TRYING TO WALK UPSTAIRS

First comedian you ever so live? 

Paul Merton

Last thing you were doing before starting these questions? 

My Day Job

First time you lived on your own? 

18

Last time you won something? 

NEVER , EVER ,EVER, NEVER NOT EVEN A RAFFLE

First Holiday you ever went on? 

With the school to spain

Last time you made a fool of yourself? 

Now !!!! Filling This Nonsense in !!!

First job you ever had? 

Doing Alterations in a Jeans shop (I know!! , who knew Susie the seamstress)

Last Comedian you saw you that you thought was great? 

Angela Barnes

First thing you would do/recommend when you arrive in Glasgow? 

Go in to the oldest looking wee pub you can find and just sit and listen to the chat . It will make no sense, but will make you laugh

Top Five: Local Lads

Top Five: Local Lads

Ray Bradshaw: I Dare Ray To

The pick of the Festival’s Glaswegian (and adopted Glaswegian) comedians of the male persuasion:

Ray Bradshaw: I Dare Ray To, Blackfriars Basement, 15 March, 7.30pm. £7/£9

The Glaswegian stand-up takes on dares from strangers and lives to tell the tale – hear about his date with Scotland’s oldest woman and how he took on the Globe of Death!

Richard Gadd:Cheese & Crack W**res, Blackfriars Basement, 22 March, 9pm. £7/£9

Dark and disturbing stand up from one of Scotland’s most exciting young comics.

Mark Nelson,The Stand Comedy Club, 22 March, 7.45pm, 23 March, 9.30pm. £10

Stand up from the dark recesses of the Glasgow-based comedian’s imagination.

Fred MacAulay: The Very Best of Fred MacAulay, Kings’ Theatre, 26 March, 7.30pm.£16.50/£14.50

Classic routines and new material from the ‘Newsquiz’ and Radio Scotland regular as he celebrates 25 years in stand up.

John Gavin:Live, Blackfriars Basement, 4 April, 7.30pm. £9/£7

Observational stand up as the award winning comic returns to the festival. 

Top Fives: Local Lasses

Top Five: Local Lasses

Libby McArthur: The F Word

Choice shows with Scottish Women centre stage.

Libby McArthur: The F Word, Vespbar, 14 March, 7.30pm. £8/£6

A funny look at life in our fifties, with the River City star Libby.

Eleanor Morton: Work In Progress, The Old Hairdressers, 19 March, 8.30pm. £4/ £3

Some almost ready material from the inventive young comic, some of it musical...she can stand on her head for up to three minutes you know!

Devitt & Storrie, The State Bar, 21 March, 8pm.£8/£10

A new collaboration between two young Glasgow-born comics with some outrageous tales about their lives so far...

Anna Devitt:Ya Dancer!, The State Bar, 22 March & 4 April, 8.30pm. £8/£10

The straight talking London-based, Glasgow-born comic returns with tales from the big smoke.

ElaineMalcolmson & Sian Bevan: Jotters, The Griffin, 5 April, 8.30pm. £5

Siân Bevan 'madwoman-come-genius.' (Skinny) and Elaine Malcolmson 'bone-dry and talented...exquisite material' (Edinburgh Evening News) would like to show you the contents of their jotters. Two twisted, funny stories in progress. 

Top Five: Shows For Kids

Top Five: Shows For Kids

James Campbell: Comedy 4 Kids

Highlights of our programme especially for younger comedy fans – something for the whole family including magic, stand up, improv and puppets.

ProfessorHeisenhoff’s Big Birthday Bash,  The TallShip, 22 March, 1pm. £5/ £4.50

An interactive family comedy show suitable for children aged five and over featuring traditional party games. 

Otiz Cannelloni: History of Magic: Abridged!, TronTheatre, 22 March, 2pm. £7.50

A family magic show for children aged five and above. Funny and informative with lots of chances to join in.

Martin ‘Bigpig’MorPresents: Funny Stuff For Funny People, Stand Comedy Club, 23 March, 3pm. £4

Comedy, circus, storytelling, poetry and stupid science in a show which adults will enjoy as much as the kids, suitable for ages 8-12.

Watch WithBaby, Oran Mor, 23 March, 3pm. £8.50/ Babies free

Top comedians tell jokes for grownups at a gig you can take your 0-2 year old to. Crying allowed.

JamesCampbell’s Comedy 4 Kids, Citizens Theatre, 5 April, 2pm. £7.50

A stand up comedy show especially for children over 6 years old, and anybody who likes their comedy without the rude words. 

Top Five: Twitter Ye Not

Top Five: Twitter Ye Not

Janey Godley

Comedians usually have a lot to say for themselves, here’s some of those in the Festival programme who know their hashtags from their mentions. 

ChrisRamsey: The Most Dangerous Man On Saturday Morning Television, The Garage, 20March, 8pm. £16.50

After getting sent off the sofa on Soccer AM, the South Shields-born comic considers his brush with censorship and muses on life, mistakes, expectations and offence. @IAmChrisRamsey

Janey Godley:Oh My Godley!, Oran Mor, 28 & 29 March, 8pm. £13/ £11

Outrageous stories and all the things you might think but would never say out loud from the slightly wicked godmother of Scottish stand up. @JaneyGodley

John Gavin:Live, Blackfriars Basement, 4 April, 7.30pm. £9/£7

Observational stand up as the award winning comic returns to the festival. @johngavincomedy

Rhys James:Begins, Blackfriars Basement, 4 April, 9pm. £9/£7

Pointy-faced comedian Rhys James writes jokes, poems, stories, ideas and tweets. Here, he performs a combination of all of them for about an hour. @rhysjamesy

JohnHastings, Blackfriars Basement, 5 April, 9pm. £9/£7

Canadian John moved to the UK and became a better person – hear all about it in his highly observant show. @thejohnhastings

Top Five: It's A Kind Of Magic

Top Five: It’s A Kind Of Magic

I Wouldn't Want To Play Cards With You. 

Magic and comedy often go hand in glove – Glasgow’s own Jerry Sadowitz is a master close up magician – but there are a few more tricks up our sleeve for 2014’s Festival:

Doug Segal: I Can Make You A Mentalist, Tron Theatre, 21 March, 8pm. £10-£12

Using persuasion techniques, body language and psychology the audience learn how to be mind reading mentalists with award-winning entertainer Doug Segal. 

Otiz Cannelloni: History of Magic: Abridged!, Tron Theatre, 22 March, 2pm. £28family ticket (2 adults, 2 kids)

From the Kids Comedy Programme. A funny and informative family show about magic for ages 5 to 105.

Tricky Tricks, Scottish Mask & Puppet Theatre, 22 March, 2pm £5.75/ £5.95

A magic and entertainment show for the whole family. For ages 3 and up. 

Enterteasment,Admiral Bar, 29 & 30 March, 8pm. £10-£14

Magic, burlesque and comedy from the friendly Glasgow-based night with international guests.

I Wouldn’tWant To Play Cards With You, Admiral Bar, 2 April, 8.30pm. £8/£6

Magician and comic Woody demonstrate some of magic’s biggest secrets. 

Nancy Clench Answers Our 'First and Last' Questions

Nancy Clench Answers Our 'First and Last' Questions 

Nancy Clench is Scotland's Biggest Drag Queen. At 7 feet tall Nancy is not only one of Scotland's most popular drag queens, but quite literally Scotland's biggest.  Nancy Clench has been wowing audiences all over the UK with her ineffable style and the Glasgow International Comedy Festival is proud to have her performing her all new stand-up show Nancy Clench: 'What a C**t!" at Avant Garde on Saturday 22, 29 March and 5 April 22:00. We caught up with Nancy to ask her a few quick questions:

First record you bought?
I'm not embarrassed - it was PJ & Duncan's Let's Get Ready to Rumble! 

Last film you watched? 
Netflix has opened up so many options for me, but I watched Milk for about the 15th time the other night! 

First thing you do when you wake up in the morning? 
I'm not sure you want to know what it actually is, despite the name I have all the working parts of a male! 

Last lie you told? 
Y'know, I think I told someone I was actually a woman once. They believed it and asked if my weave was just extensions. Lol... 

First Crush? 
I always did fancy Kylie Minogue - not just because my Grandad used to buy me a Kylie Calendar every year! 

Last meal you cooked yourself? 
I had a lovely Steak with Asparagus and a Peppercorn Sauce the other day. I like my steak cooked Blue! 

First great piece of advice you were given?
Vote Yes. 

Last book you read? 
Morrissey's Autobiography. I shook his hand once. 

First thing you would do if you knew the world was going to end? 
If the Mayan's can't predict the apocalypse then I'm not sure a Scientologist could... 

Last thing you do before doing a show? 
Freak a taxi driver out by booking a taxi under a mans name and getting in it looking fab! 

First thing you do after a show? 
Grab myself a vodka & coke! 

Last time you were star struck? 
I sung "All this Time" in front of Michelle McManus at a sound check, she said it was a good cover version! 

First thing you’d do if you ran the country? 
Ban Conservatives. 

Last meal on earth – what would it be? 
Oysters - nothing like going out with a bang! 

First song you’d sing at Karaoke? 
Proud Mary - get whipping that hair back and forth!

Last funny thing you saw online? 
Roy Cropper on Grindr! 

First comedian you ever so live? 
Many years ago I saw Michael McIntyre at the Edinburgh Fringe - it was in a room the size of a shoe box, so clearly he hadn't made it big back then!

Last thing you were doing before starting these questions? 
Trying to do some work! 

First time you lived on your own? 
I went to Dundee Uni at the age of 17 and for the first three days had the Halls of Residence to myself - that was boring! 

Last time you won something? 
I won £3 on a Scratchcard last month. I'm keeping it for emergencies. 

First Holiday you ever went on? 
I went to Gran Canaria when I was 8. I hear that when you go now, there is Lazy Susan's at Sex Parties. Ace. 

Last time you made a fool of yourself? 
We don't talk about that... 

First job you ever had? 
At the age of 13 I ran my own wee business washing Wheely Bins. What a money maker that was! 

Last Comedian you saw you that you thought was great? 
Ryan Dooley - expect big things! He's even supporting me at "Nancy Clench: What a C**t!" at Avant Garde as part of the Glasgow International Comedy Festival. 

First thing you would do/recommend when you arrive in Glasgow? 
Grab a pint - Glasgow looks better through beer goggles!

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