Top Five: Last Weekend Shows

Top Five: The Last Weekend.

Luke Toulson: Laid Back Grouch.

There's always time for more comedy! Here's some choice cuts from the last few days of the festival:

Commissioned,Tron Theatre, 3 April, 8.30pm, £5-£7

The brainchild of Glasgow-based, Northern Ireland born host Elaine Malcolmson, Commissioned is a night of new comedy commissioned by suggestions on Twitter and Facebook. The chosen subject will form the basis for a night of comedy, stand up, sketches, poetry, music, art, characters and more. 

Rhys James: Begins. Blackfriars Basement. 4 April 9pm. £9/7
"Rhys James is a sickeningly talented young stand-up. He's a super-sharp writer, with a ton of smart, intricately-written jokes and stories where you're never more than a few seconds away from another punchline." Ben Williams, Time Out. Rhys was also named one of the 30 funniest people to follow on twitter by The Telegraph.

Luke Toulson: Laid Back Grouch, The State Bar, 4 April 9pm. £6/£8

Laid Back Grouch is a brutally honest and hilariously funny examination of a life that only comes alive when in front of a microphone.  Luke Toulson is an award-winning, comedian whose 2013 show was selected as one of the Top 10 Comedy Shows at the Edinburgh Fringe.

Stephen Bailey: Work In Progress, The State Bar, 5 April, 8pm. £6/£8

Chatty comic from Big Brother’s Bit On The Side, “Northern, gay, ginger and sharp as a lemon”.

Elaine Malcolmson & Sian Bevan: Jotters, The Griffin, 5 April, 8.30pm. £5

Siân Bevan 'madwoman-come-genius.' (Skinny) and Elaine Malcolmson 'bone-dry and talented...exquisite material' (Edinburgh Evening News) would like to show you the contents of their jotters. Two twisted, funny stories; works in progress from the Glasgow-based comics. 

John Hastings, Blackfriars Basement, 5 April, 9pm. £9/£7

Canadian John moved to the UK and became a better person – hear all about it in his highly observant show. https://twitter.com/thejohnhastings

Mibbes Aye, Mibbes Naw: Referendum Debate

Mibbes Aye, Mibbes Naw, Saturday, 29th March, 3.30pm, Stand Comedy Club. Tickets £5.

Keir McAlister 

The comedy debate on the referendum is all systems go with a top line-up now in place for Saturday afternoon's discussion.

The Sunday Herald's Iain MacWhirter will play Dimbleby as comics and straight men from both Yes and No camps seek to win over the undecided.

Opening the batting for the No side is Scottish Journalist and union supporter David Richard Bateman. He'll be aided and abetted by US comic Erich McElroy whose Scottish parentage has inspired him to write a new show on the referendum from a pro-UK perspective.

Ranged against them will be Scottish Green Party leader and MSP Patrick Harvie. He will be supported by local comic Keir McAlister.

The debate kicks off at 3.30pm at the Stand Comedy Club in Woodlands Road, Glasgow and is intended as a light-hearted and somewhat tongue-in-cheek contribution to the nation's grand discussion. It will include lots of opportunities for comment and questions from the floor.


A few tickets are still available from The Stand's website.

Doug Segal Answers Our 'First and Last' Questions (magic included)

Doug Segal Answers Our 'First and Last' Questions (magic included)

We love Doug Segal's answers to our 'First and Last' questions - no one else has managed to fit a little of their act into them! All we have to say is read all of his answers all the way to the bottom and by the end you'll know exactly what you should do!

Award winning entertainer Doug Segal's new comedy mind reading show turns the audience into mind reading mentalists. Expect comedy, animation, interaction and mind blowing miracles performed by you, the audience at Tron Theatre, Friday 21 March, 8pm. Book tickets here.

First record you bought? 
Come on feel the noise by Slade 

First thing you do when you wake up in the morning? 
To tell you the truth I: Take off the costume, make breakfast for the supermodels and have my chauffeur drive them home. 

Last lie you told? 
The last lie I told was the “First thing you do when you wake up in the morning?” 

Last film you watched? 
Tron 

First Crush? 
On pain of death you could couldn't coax that out of me. 

Last meal you cooked yourself? 
Friday last I made toast, does that count as a meal? 

First great piece of advice you were given? 
You should never play cards with anyone who's first name is the same as an American city. 

Last book you read? 
Can You Survive the Zombie Apocalypse? By Max Brallier 

First thing you would do if you knew the world was going to end? 
See if I can find my girlfriend 

Last thing you do before doing a show? 
My way of getting in the right frame of mind is to peek through the curtain at the audience and think “I love these people. Let's give them a good time”. 

First thing you do after a show? 
Show time over I think it's important to talk to the audience and thank them for coming 

Last time you were star struck? 
I had Neil Gaiman come to see my show in Edinburgh and hang out with me after. That was amazing 

First thing you’d do if you ran the country? 
Can I end the Bedroom Tax? 

Last meal on earth – what would it be? 
Make mine a humongous rare kobe beef fillet steak.

First song you’d sing at Karaoke? 
You Got The Love – Florence and The Machine. 

Last funny thing you saw online? 
A thing that made me laugh out loud was today's news that Max Clifford allegedly has a “freakishly small penis”. This is a man who always got his client a couple of inches in the tabloids. 

First comedian you ever saw live? 
Mentalist Les Bubb. He had an act that basically consisted of putting dozens of elastic bands round his face. 

Last thing you were doing before starting these questions? 
I think I was playing fetch with my dog. I've got really good at retrieving. 

First time you lived on your own? 
Honestly, I've never lived on my own. 

Last time you won something? 
Think it was a Three Weeks Editor's Choice Award for being one of their top ten things at the Edinburgh Fringe. 

First Holiday you ever went on? 
You'll be so jealous, it was Butlins Skegness with my mum. I've never quite managed to reach the same level of glamour since. 

Last time you made a fool of yourself? 
Really? You have read this right? 

First job you ever had? 
Like a Saturday job in the greengrocer's department of Tesco. I once found a huge spider in a box of bananas and we had to close the store while an “expert” found and trapped it.

Last Comedian you saw you that you thought was great?
It was a privilege to watch Nick Doody open for me on a recent tour of Switzerland – He's amazing. 

First thing you would do/recommend when you arrive in Glasgow? 
The first thing I'd do is read the hidden message I've placed in this interview (Hint. Read the first word of each answer) 

---

Doug Segal - I Can Make You a Mentalist
Friday 21st of March, 8pm
Tron Theatre
Book Tickets

Award-winning entertainer Doug Segal's new comedy mind reading show turns the audience into mind-reading mentalists. Expect comedy, animation, interaction and mind-blowing miracles performed by you, the audience.

There's nothing spooky or supernatural about this show, everything is achieved using one or more of the following skills from Doug's background in psychology and advertising: persuasion techniques, statistics, reading body language, subliminal influence and two key advertising skills, cheating and lying, all done with laughs and a rakish charm.

**** Sunday Mail
***** Scottish Sunday Express

Abigoliah Schamaun Talks About Making Her Audience Faint

Abigoliah Schamaun Talks About Making Her Audience Faint

Abigoliah Schamaun is one of New York's finest comics and at last years Edinburgh Fringe she made one of her audience members faint! Ahead of her GICF appearance at Blackfriars this Friday, 21 March 9pm, we asked her to tell us all about it and she did even better by providing us with a video (scroll down to watch it). Here's a little introduction from Abigoliah:

Last year on my Edinburgh flyer I wrote, “most everyone will laugh, but at least one person would faint.” It was supposed to be a joke, as most things I write are, but during the show someone fainted on stage; turning an hour of comedy into a bit of a drama.

As well as being a stand up comedian I also do sideshow stunts. I can eat fire and glass, and I shove needles thru my body, because my childhood went fine. And that’s the kind of thing I do in “Subtle”.

In Edinburgh, I brought the girl on stage, now it’s important to know I’m not a monster. I always give people the option to stay put. She came on stage on her volition! Once she was on stage she seemed a bit “off” but I coaxed her to pull the needle out of my hand. She was fine, she was, fine, and then she dropped.

Some lovely gentlemen took her out of the room she had some water and then she RETURNED TO WATCH the rest of the show. In true British fashion after the show she apologized to ME for being a distraction. And in true American fashion I bought her a pint in hopes that she wouldn’t sue me. It was a fun night, and I caught it on tape. I do feel bad for making her faint, but not bad enough to keep the footage a secret.

This will be my first time performing at the Glasgow International Comedy Festival and this time I promise most everyone will laugh, but for God’s sake please no one faint!

ABIGOLIAH SCHAMAUN

SUBTLE

FRIDAY 21 MARCH
21:00

BLACKFRIARS BASEMENT

£9 / £7 ||| Buy tickets

New York comic Abigoliah Schamaun comes to Glasgow with a set of dirty jokes and a selection side-show stunts. See a comedian stick a needle through her own hand for you (but mostly her) entertainment! It's all about the thighs and dick jokes, so most everyone will laugh but at least one person will faint.

'Unapologetically upfront, her shocking escapades and tales are guaranteed to draw shrieks of laughter from the whole audience' ***** Three Weeks

**** Skinny

Commonwealth Stands Up: Facebook Competition

Top Five: Stand Up Guys

Stand Up Guys

John Gordillo

Some gentlemen comedians who have honed their craft.

John Gordillo: Cheap Shots At The Defenceless, The State Bar, 15 March, 8pm. £6/£8

A real “comedian’s comedian”, with an examination of how love, marketing and showbusiness all start to feel like the same thing.

Fred MacAulay: The Very Best of Fred MacAulay, Kings’ Theatre, 26 March, 7.30pm. £16.50/£14.50

Classic routines and new material from the ‘Newsquiz’ and Radio Scotland regular as he celebrates 25 years in stand up.

Simon Evans: Leashed, Citizens Theatre, 1 April, 8pm, £14/£12

Enjoy beautifully crafted stand up from a craftsman of language.

Paul Chowdhry: PC’s World, Citizens Theatre, 4 April, 8pm. £14/£12

The relentless host of Channel 4’s ‘Stand Up For The Week’, tackles hard hitting subjects like why people find political correctness offensive.

Luke Toulson: Laid Back Grouch, The State Bar, 4 April 9pm. £6/£8

A show about what parents are really thinking. 

Top Five: Cinematic Comedy

Top Five: Cinematic Comedy

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Cineworld, 15 March, 8pm & 10.30pm. £9.10 &£6.30

Join Ted Theodore Logan (Keanu Reeves) and Bill S. Preston (Alex Winter), members of the totally bodacious local band The Wyld Stallyns, as they travel through time – and attempt to pass their history exam -  at the behest of a messenger from the future (George Carlin).

Directors' Cut, Avant Garde, 16, 23 & 30 March, 7.30pm. £5/£6

A comedy panel show with a movie theme hosted by Craig Meighan - with team captains comedians Rick Molland and Gareth Waugh and special guests.

Dr. Strangelove Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb, Cineworld, 21March, 8pm & 10.30pm. £9.10 & £6.30

Stanley Kubrick’s classic black comedy featuring Peter Sellers in multiple roles – as relevant today as when it was made 50 years ago.

Gladstone’s Bag Presents... Comedy Cine-Variety, Britannia Panopticon, 29 March, 2pm &4pm. FREE

Two programmes of silent films (Charlie Chaplin and Laurel & Hardy) with live music and sound effects, novelty instruments and music hall songs, presented in the unique surroundings of Scotland’s oldest Music Hall.

Airplane!,Cineworld, 1 April, 8pm & 10.30pm. £9.10 & £6.30

Named one of the ten funniest movies of all time, this disaster spoof is enduringly hilarious. An airplane crew takes ill. Surely the only person capable of landing the plane is an ex-pilot afraid to fly. But don't call him Shirley.

Top Five: Stand And Deliver

Top Five: Stand and Deliver

Tom Wrigglesworth: Utterly At Odds With The Universe

The pick of the bunch at Glasgow’s finest stand up comedy club.

Mike Wozniak: Take the Hit, The Stand Comedy Club, 25 March, 7pm. £10/£9

His wife’s parents have moved in. Permanently. Not so much a show as a person getting out of the house.

Nick Revell: Closet Optimist, The Stand Comedy Club, 18 March, 7pm, £10/£9

Take a chance on a comedian who will use cynicism and desperation about the absurdity of life to improve your world view.

Patrick Monahan: Cake Charmer, The Stand Comedy Club, 19 March, 9.30pm. £10/£9

A loveable Teessider who likes hugging and eating cake (but not simultaneously!) is renowned for his superb anecdotes, his unique charm and his unmistakeable brand of humour.

Tom Wrigglesworth: Utterly At Odds With The Universe, The Stand Comedy Club, 30March, 7.30pm. £12/ £11

Tom takes an emotional journey exploring his profound relationship with his granddad, and comes to fully understand the influence he has had on his life.

Rob Rouse: Ride Of Your Life, The Stand Comedy Club, 3 April, 7.30pm. £10/£9

No holds barred heartfelt honest stand-up for grown-ups.

Top Five: Surrealists

Top Five: Surrealists

Joey Page: Golden Peacock Hour

Comics who really let their imaginations run wild.

Joey Page: Golden Peacock Hour, Blackfriars Basement, 14 March, 7.30pm. £7/£9

Technicoloured imagery and bizarre flights of fancy with a comic who rejoices in the alternative.

Bobby Mair: Obviously Adopted, Blackfriars Basement, 15 March, 9pm. £9/£7

Inside the mind of a man-child...

John Kearns: Sight Gags for Perverts, Blackfriars Basement, 16 March, 7.30pm. £9/£7

Award winning comic with a wig, some false teeth and a lot of ideas.

Boothby Graffoe: SCRATCH!, The Stand Comedy Club, 19 March, 7.30pm. £9/£10

Join Arch-Surrealist Boothby Graffoe for a typically skewed looked at the weird little world of the UK lottery scratch card.

Nev: Rave, Halt Bar, 21 March, 9pm. FREE

An hour of atmospheric, dark, sharp, hypnotic, inventive, angry and heart-broken comedy from the enigmatic new stand up.

Top Five: Sketch Shows

Sketch Shows

WitTank Presents: The School

It’s not all one man one mic...

Mouth Comfort Presents: The Sketch Social, Tron Theatre, 14 March, 8.30pm, £6/£8

Established sketch groups (Endemic, How Do I Get Up There? The Colour Ham, Mouth Comfort) join stars of Scottish TV comedy and new talent from the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland for an evening of live comedy turns.

Broken Windows Policy, Avant Garde, 15 March, 8.45pm. £5

The Stand’s resident sketch troupe with a riotous array of cabaret and sketch comedy, featuring Larah Bross, Dave MacGregor, Wayne Mazazda and Jeff Gawler. Directed By Keir McAllister.

WitTank Presents: The School, Blackfriars Basement, 17 March, 8.30pm, £10

Eminently silly sketch outfit WitTank invite you into the charmingly warped world of The School; a deranged and archaic institution with a dizzying array of loveable eccentrics, diabolical lunatics and malevolent buffoons.

Mouth Comfort Presents: Choose Your Own Sketchventure, Tron Theatre, 20 March, 8pm. £10

You choose the story – 3 lives, 12 endings, you choose what happens to the characters in a series of sketches. Brought to you by writers Gerry McLaughlin (Burniston) and Raymond Friel (Calcium Kid, Botched).

Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre, Dram, 20 & 21 March, 7.30pm, £7/£8

These stars of stage, screen & Youtube bring you a new show of songs, sketches, socks and violence on topics far and wide.

Susie McCabe Answers Our 'Firsts and Lasts' Questions

Susie McCabe Answers Our 'First and Last' Questions

Susie McCabe is a fast rising star on the national comedy circuit. She may be small and look like Jockey Wilson’s stunt double, but she is hard to ignore as this is one little lady with a big mouth. See her show Susie McCabe: Tourist Misinformation at the Stand Comedy Club, Glasgow on April 2 at 7:30pm, but before that here's how Susie responded to our 'first and Last' questions:

First record you bought? 

The Cranberries Linger

Last film you watched? 

I can’t remember the name it was awful but Jodie foster was in it

(These first two answers make me such a cliché)

First thing you do when you wake up in the morning? 

Have a drink of water

Last lie you told? 

This is not a face that can tell lies

First Crush?  

Jodie Foster and a teacher it was a confusing time

(This is not helping with the Cliché problem)

Last meal you cooked yourself? 

Porridge this morning

First great piece of advice you were given? 

Everyday is a school day

Last book you read? 

Alex Ferguson's biog (Again its that Cliché popping up)

First thing you would do if you knew the world was going to end? 

Have a nice dram and a ciggie.

Last thing you do before doing a show? 

Be on my own and try pace up and down

First thing you do after a show?  

Have a drink

Last time you were star struck? 

Never because I have yet to meet Jodie Foster

First thing you’d do if you ran the country? 

Scrap that awful Bedroom Tax and introduce 3 day weekends (Populist I know but Mon-Fri is just  to long a working week)

Last meal on earth – what would it be? 

Chicken , chips and gravy

First song you’d sing at Karaoke? 

Sex on Fire

Last funny thing you saw online? 

A PUPPY TRYING TO WALK UPSTAIRS

First comedian you ever so live? 

Paul Merton

Last thing you were doing before starting these questions? 

My Day Job

First time you lived on your own? 

18

Last time you won something? 

NEVER , EVER ,EVER, NEVER NOT EVEN A RAFFLE

First Holiday you ever went on? 

With the school to spain

Last time you made a fool of yourself? 

Now !!!! Filling This Nonsense in !!!

First job you ever had? 

Doing Alterations in a Jeans shop (I know!! , who knew Susie the seamstress)

Last Comedian you saw you that you thought was great? 

Angela Barnes

First thing you would do/recommend when you arrive in Glasgow? 

Go in to the oldest looking wee pub you can find and just sit and listen to the chat . It will make no sense, but will make you laugh

Top Five: Local Lads

Top Five: Local Lads

Ray Bradshaw: I Dare Ray To

The pick of the Festival’s Glaswegian (and adopted Glaswegian) comedians of the male persuasion:

Ray Bradshaw: I Dare Ray To, Blackfriars Basement, 15 March, 7.30pm. £7/£9

The Glaswegian stand-up takes on dares from strangers and lives to tell the tale – hear about his date with Scotland’s oldest woman and how he took on the Globe of Death!

Richard Gadd:Cheese & Crack W**res, Blackfriars Basement, 22 March, 9pm. £7/£9

Dark and disturbing stand up from one of Scotland’s most exciting young comics.

Mark Nelson,The Stand Comedy Club, 22 March, 7.45pm, 23 March, 9.30pm. £10

Stand up from the dark recesses of the Glasgow-based comedian’s imagination.

Fred MacAulay: The Very Best of Fred MacAulay, Kings’ Theatre, 26 March, 7.30pm.£16.50/£14.50

Classic routines and new material from the ‘Newsquiz’ and Radio Scotland regular as he celebrates 25 years in stand up.

John Gavin:Live, Blackfriars Basement, 4 April, 7.30pm. £9/£7

Observational stand up as the award winning comic returns to the festival. 

Top Fives: Local Lasses

Top Five: Local Lasses

Libby McArthur: The F Word

Choice shows with Scottish Women centre stage.

Libby McArthur: The F Word, Vespbar, 14 March, 7.30pm. £8/£6

A funny look at life in our fifties, with the River City star Libby.

Eleanor Morton: Work In Progress, The Old Hairdressers, 19 March, 8.30pm. £4/ £3

Some almost ready material from the inventive young comic, some of it musical...she can stand on her head for up to three minutes you know!

Devitt & Storrie, The State Bar, 21 March, 8pm.£8/£10

A new collaboration between two young Glasgow-born comics with some outrageous tales about their lives so far...

Anna Devitt:Ya Dancer!, The State Bar, 22 March & 4 April, 8.30pm. £8/£10

The straight talking London-based, Glasgow-born comic returns with tales from the big smoke.

ElaineMalcolmson & Sian Bevan: Jotters, The Griffin, 5 April, 8.30pm. £5

Siân Bevan 'madwoman-come-genius.' (Skinny) and Elaine Malcolmson 'bone-dry and talented...exquisite material' (Edinburgh Evening News) would like to show you the contents of their jotters. Two twisted, funny stories in progress. 

Top Five: Shows For Kids

Top Five: Shows For Kids

James Campbell: Comedy 4 Kids

Highlights of our programme especially for younger comedy fans – something for the whole family including magic, stand up, improv and puppets.

ProfessorHeisenhoff’s Big Birthday Bash,  The TallShip, 22 March, 1pm. £5/ £4.50

An interactive family comedy show suitable for children aged five and over featuring traditional party games. 

Otiz Cannelloni: History of Magic: Abridged!, TronTheatre, 22 March, 2pm. £7.50

A family magic show for children aged five and above. Funny and informative with lots of chances to join in.

Martin ‘Bigpig’MorPresents: Funny Stuff For Funny People, Stand Comedy Club, 23 March, 3pm. £4

Comedy, circus, storytelling, poetry and stupid science in a show which adults will enjoy as much as the kids, suitable for ages 8-12.

Watch WithBaby, Oran Mor, 23 March, 3pm. £8.50/ Babies free

Top comedians tell jokes for grownups at a gig you can take your 0-2 year old to. Crying allowed.

JamesCampbell’s Comedy 4 Kids, Citizens Theatre, 5 April, 2pm. £7.50

A stand up comedy show especially for children over 6 years old, and anybody who likes their comedy without the rude words. 

Top Five: Twitter Ye Not

Top Five: Twitter Ye Not

Janey Godley

Comedians usually have a lot to say for themselves, here’s some of those in the Festival programme who know their hashtags from their mentions. 

ChrisRamsey: The Most Dangerous Man On Saturday Morning Television, The Garage, 20March, 8pm. £16.50

After getting sent off the sofa on Soccer AM, the South Shields-born comic considers his brush with censorship and muses on life, mistakes, expectations and offence. @IAmChrisRamsey

Janey Godley:Oh My Godley!, Oran Mor, 28 & 29 March, 8pm. £13/ £11

Outrageous stories and all the things you might think but would never say out loud from the slightly wicked godmother of Scottish stand up. @JaneyGodley

John Gavin:Live, Blackfriars Basement, 4 April, 7.30pm. £9/£7

Observational stand up as the award winning comic returns to the festival. @johngavincomedy

Rhys James:Begins, Blackfriars Basement, 4 April, 9pm. £9/£7

Pointy-faced comedian Rhys James writes jokes, poems, stories, ideas and tweets. Here, he performs a combination of all of them for about an hour. @rhysjamesy

JohnHastings, Blackfriars Basement, 5 April, 9pm. £9/£7

Canadian John moved to the UK and became a better person – hear all about it in his highly observant show. @thejohnhastings