Janey Godley on her having the festival at her doorstep

It is with much excitement and pride that I take part in The Glasgow International Comedy Festival again this year, a comedy festival in my own fair city.

My show this year is called ‘Too Old for Telly’ on April Fool’s day which seems appropriate and is at the awesome Oran Mor venue up in the leafy West End and one of my favourite venues.

Having done many international festivals across the globe, having one on my doorstep is incredibly novel, I don’t have to get on a bus, plane or train to attend. I can merely walk out my own door and have amazing top comics at my fingertips and that’s just a cracking feeling.

I remember my first Glasgow Comedy festival show back in 2003 down in a wee bar in the Trongate in a dank basement with about 70 people crammed into tables that made a screaming sound on the concrete when moved. I didn’t need hecklers when the furniture was already making enough noise in protest. I loved it.

So embrace the city come March, stand back and listen to the venues ringing with laughter and enjoy the comedy festival, I like to think our buildings are built on the hard work, sarcasm and laughter of the working classes that toiled to erect them.

As long as the furniture within doesn’t scream in objection!

PERFORMER: Janey Godley

SHOW TITLE: Janey Godley: Too Old For Telly

VENUE: Oran Mor

DATE: Sunday 1^st April, 8pm SOLD OUT, extra show added Sunday 1^st April, 5pm

BOOKING LINK: Buy from TicketSOUP HERE. 

BOX OFFICE: 0844 395 4005

Chris Forbes on the 'Comedy Bug'

I vividly remember the first stand-up comedy gig I ever performed. As I waited to go on, a number of different thoughts were racing through my head; Why am I doing this? Is my whimsical routine on chickens and cows taking over the world actually funny, or is it just funny in my head? Why am I doing this? I don't really know anything about politics, why am I doing a routine about Tony Blair and George Bush, Why am I doing this? What’s my mum going to think? I'll never recover from the humiliation if this goes wrong; I'm going to be famous after this one gig! Why am I doing this? etc etc...All this whilst fully appreciating how doing stand-up comedy seems to work as the best natural laxative known to man.

Where was that gig? Blackfriars Basement in Glasgow! 

Thankfully I survived that experience and was well and truly bitten by the comedy bug. The chickens and cows worked out just fine and my mum finally accepted I was never going to get a "real" job...I still don’t know anything about politics though. Six years later and I am returning to that hallowed ground to perform some brand new experimental comedy with my good friend Antony Murray. We both started out in comedy at roughly the same time and so we are both hopefully a little wiser, a little funnier and a little less neurotic when it comes to performing comedy. 

For the last few years I have been performing at the Glasgow ComedyFestival as either my Gothic comedy alter ego, Damien Crow, or as part of my sketch group, 'How Do I Get Up There?', so it will be a nice change to finally go back to just being myself and talking about the changes and experiences I have encountered during the last 6 years. Getting older has changed my perspective on comedy. Gone are the whimsical routines about world domineering farmyard animals. These have been replaced ruthlessly in favour of ranting bitterly about the youth of today, the difficulties I face in finding a comfortable pair of size 13 shoes and the pressures I face from my friends and family to settle down, get married, have kids etc etc – just because that’s what every other bloody Tom, Dick and Harry seem to be doing!

Anyway, Its always a pleasure to perform in Glasgow. It truly has the best (and often most unpredictable) audiences in the world so I am looking forward to our show at my comedy birthplace later this month. No big thrills. Just a couple of guys in true Glasgow fashion, f#nny#ng about!

PERFORMERS: Chris Forbes & Antony Murray

SHOW TITLE: Chris Forbes & Antony Murray’s Comedy Show

VENUE: Blackfriars Basement

DATE: Thursday 15^th March, 8.30pm

BOOKING LINK: Buy online from TicketSOUP HERE.

BOX OFFICE: 0844 395 4005

Andrew Learmonth in David Cameron Hates Mumford & Sons: The Secrets of Comedy Revealed

It doesn't matter how much of an obnoxious p###k you are, your dog will still love you. It's unfair because we can all see you being a moron. We can see you being worthy of only hate and contempt but your dog is blind to this. He mistakes your hideousness , your obnoxiousness, your inability to wash your mug after your coffee break, your smelliness, your patheticness, for love.

And no matter how much we want to tell your dog that he deserves better and that he can get better it won't matter because he's your dog.

This is why I like dogs but hate p#####s.

It’s also why at this year's Glasgow Comedy Festival I will be performing mostly to dogs I have reared since their birth. It will not matter how awful I am because they will still love me.

You may think that I'm not going to get the intellectual appreciation that a human audience would give me but I would counter that by saying most human audiences are f#####g morons.

Again there are licensing issues: will the corrupt, dog fearing secret society who run Glasgow City Council's licensing department allow this to happen? To this argument I simply counter that if we can't perform the show in front of 37 dogs in the Old Hairdressers on Friday 30th March then we will go on to the streets.  Like a true artist my art will happen wherever I have to make it happen.  It also adds an element of risk because my dogs aren't very well trained and they will probably run off into the streets of Glasgow’s city centre attracted by the smell of kebab and vomit.

I suppose the main attraction of dogs is that they don’t have expectations.  For example Johnny Depp’s dogs would have probably watched the Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tide and thought it okay.  Thankfully we non dogs are starting to learn that expectations aren’t worth the hassle.  If we have no expectations then how can we be disappointed?

If you do come to Andrew Learmonth in David Cameron Hates Mumford &Sons: The Secrets of Comedy Revealed on Friday 30th March for the best results it’s best if you have no expectations.  I certainly don’t.

VENUE: Old Hairdressers

DATE: Friday 30^th March

TIME: 7.30pm

BOOKING LINK: Buy from TicketSOUP.com HERE. 

BOX OFFICE: 0844 395 4005

Howard Read (aka Big Howard) Guest Blog

As a stand-up comedian it’s always great to play Glasgow, and as a festival performer, it’s always lovely to go to Scotland and come home with your shirt.

My festival act, Big Howard and Little Howard, is almost exactly the same age as the Glasgow International Comedy Festival.  Both started ten years ago and both seemed like a ridiculous idea at the time: Glasgow was trying to start a comedy festival in Scotland that wasn’t the Edinburgh Fringe, and me trying to make a cartoon perform stand-up.

Over the years Their Stupid Idea has always been incredibly supportive of My Stupid Idea. The GICF (not sure I should call it that; sounds like a porn acronym to do with gimps) has always given me a stage to play on, paid me (which is surprisingly rare in the business of comedy festivals) and come up with great ways to let people know my show is on. 

Last time we came, the GICF Team arranged to for us to appear on STV’s The Hour (I can confidently say I’m the only cartoon boy Michelle McManus has ever interviewed) and this year they’ve come up with a doozy.  To celebrate the Glasgow International ComedyFestival’s 10th birthday and Little Howard’s 10th 6th birthday (it’s complicated) we’re doing something really cool at 10am on the 10th of March at the Apple Store, with my 10-year-old 6-year-old cartoon boy, and 10 ten-year-olds.  Full details aren’t confirmed yet but we did a test-run last week of the various ground-breaking bits of technology involved, and it worked a treat.  I’m actually looking forward to that stunt almost as much as I’m looking forward to the show itself, which is on the 24th of March at the King’s Theatre.

If you haven’t seen Little Howard have a look at www.littlehoward.co.uk, for kids we’ve done three series of Little Howard’s Big Question for CBBC and for adults we’ve been on The Royal Variety Performance, This Morning and Jay Leno amongst other things.

Little Howard will be recording a special Video Diary for the festival every week running up to our appearance.  The first one is here: 

Little Howard's BIG Question will be on at the King's Theatre on 24 March at 2.30pm. For more information and to book tickets, click here or call 0844 395 4005.

Late Night Gimp Fight Guest Blog

Performing in Scotland has always been a memorable experience for us, for many different reasons. We've encountered some of our loudest, drunkest, but best audiences of all time in Scotland and we hope this continues when we make our Glasgow International Comedy Festival debut at the Tron next month.

It was in Scotland that we got our best ever heckle. A heavily intoxicated Scottish gentleman had stumbled into the venue we were performing in, probably more in search of somewhere to sit rather than due to his penchant for gimps. He fell asleep within five minutes of the show starting, and when he woke up we were in the middle of a sketch set at a funeral. He was so drunk and disorientated at this point, that he believed he was at an actual funeral, so when he saw us 'performing a sketch' in his context he shouted 'Have some respect!'… and then passed out again.

So, the benchmark for audiences has been set... we can only hope Glasgow steps up to the plate! We're really excited to be bringing our show to Glasgow as we've not performed at the festival before. We haven't even been to Glasgow. Actually – that's not strictly true, I once drove through it and saw someone driving a bed down the street.  An actual bed. True.

For those of you not familiar with the gimps, this video should give you a little idea of what we're about. You can expect plenty of dark sketches, big theatrical set pieces, and a surprisingly moving sketch about Henry the Hoover. We look forward to seeing you there!

Late Night Gimp Fight will be performing at the Tron Theatre on 30 & 31 March at 10.30pm. For more information and to book tickets, click here or call 0844 395 4005.

Vikki Stone Guest Blog

I've only actually been to Glasgow once before, so I really am looking forward to getting to know it better when I come for the Comedy Festival in March.

In 2010 I was doing a Scottish mini-tour with a few other comedians, and we were playing Inverness, Edinburgh, Dundee, Findhorn and Aberdeen (not Glasgow curiously). Ahead of the tour I came up a day early on the sleeper (I hated the sleeper; shared a berth with a noisy weirdo) to record an appearance on the now defunct chat show The Hour. I was to be interviewed about the tour, and then sing a little ditty about the then X Factor winner, Joe McElderry. To my delight I was being interviewed by the one and only Michelle McManus, herself a product of the TV talent show mill, who was everything I'd hoped she'd be and more (I shan't  say what though, I wouldn't like to offend!). Needless to say there were some wonderfully prickly questions in our interview. Such fun!

I then got to spend the rest of the day pottering around Glasgow, heading immediately for the Apple store (forgot my charger), and yes Glasgow, you display your Apple products in an exemplary manner, congratulations. If my memory serves me, I think I may also have taken in a Dixon's (to compare prices) and a museum (not in search of a charger).

I can't remember what the museum was called, nor can I find any evidence of having ever visited it. Maybe the good readers of this blog might help me identify it? All I can remember is that it was off a side street, had a rooftop viewing area, possibly an escalator, some nautical exhibits, and a glass front. I think I enjoyed myself, but I can't be sure. I have a terrible memory for tourism. I may have also had a cup of tea somewhere, but again the details escape me. I am aware all this looks a bit like I'm lying about having been to Glasgow, and desperately trying to make up banal detail in absence of facts, but I assure you, it's all true. Ooooh, I remember now, I also had a swim in the Virgin Active somewhere on the outskirts of town.

Anyway, I am very excited about bringing myself and my new show to the Glasgow International Comedy Festival, but I think I need someone to show me around this time! Any volunteers?

Come to Brel on Saturday 31 March to see Vikki Stone: Songs and Jokes. For more information and to book tickets, click here.

Get Set, Stand Up!

'What do you mean I get to stand on a stage and people have to listen to me? No matter what? ...cool!'

Giving teenagers free reign with a microphone can be a rollercoaster ride, but it's always worth the trip. Impact Arts are delighted to be working in partnership with the Glasgow International Comedy Festival for the third year running to provide young people aged 14-19 with the opportunity to break into comedy.

Currently in Scotland you may think that our young people don't have a lot to laugh about; high unemployment, lack of training and lack of opportunity dominates the newspaper  headlines. They could let this doom and gloom get to them, but that's not the Scottish spirit is it? No, not when we can make a sarcastic quip or spin a yarn about the 30th trip to the job centre. Smile and the world smiles with you. Impact Arts - Get Set, Stand Up workshops focus on introducing young people to stand-up comedy, boosting their confidence and giving them the opportunity to try something new - and who knows, perhaps the next Kevin Bridges or Daniel Sloss will be discovered.

The free workshops are tutored by Jay Lafferty, who was nominated for Best New Scottish Comedian at the Scottish Variety Awards in 2011. Jay says 'tutoring the Get Set, Stand Up workshops is one of the biggest highlights of my year - teenagers telling it like it is... how they see the world, no holds barred. The emotions are raw, they are very truthful and truth is far funnier than fiction. It's brilliant to be able to work with the participants building their confidence before seeing them get on stage for their first gig.'

Alongside Jay there will be a host of guest comedians dropping into the workshops, including Capital Radio's Des Clarke and the author of The Top 50 Greatest Scots Of All Time Ever Vladimir McTavish.

Last year 16-year-old Ryan Hughes took part in the course: 'Comedy has always been close to my heart and to get the chance to do it with Jay and the guys at Impact Arts was a chance I had to take. I'm so glad I did because it's helped me in so many ways; comedy has given me the chance to prove to audiences that the stereotypical view of someone being in a wheelchair isn't true. When I began the course it opened my eyes; here was something I could enjoy doing whilst learning new skills and making new friends. Basically comedy is now a big part of my life, I wouldn't have it any other way.'

This year's course starts on Thursday 1 March and runs every Thursday until the showcase performance on Thursday 29 March. For more information, or to apply, please contact msummers@impactarts.co.uk.